The Wishing Well

It's the season again, kiddies.  The time of year where we ruminate over the past year(s) of our lives, reliving every blunder and gaff and misstep we've made, every time we've screwed up, every wrong been done to us.  We are supposed to look back on the joy and the triumphs too, but let's face it:  Crappy and unpleasant events burn themselves into our psyche with much more intensity than happy ones.  Unless you're one of those insufferable hyper-optimist idiots like my high school guidance counselor who could tout "faith in the world about you" while some of my upper classmen were looking at a vacation tour in sunny Vietnam.  Besides, if you want to get all sappy about it, there will be numerous fluff programs on TV recalling all of the 'high points' of 2002.

With that in mind, I thought it would be a good thing to visit that old Wishing Well, and cast a few out there for the good of myself, my friends and loved-ones, and for humanity in general. I am dividing them into the categories 'Global' and 'Personal.'  There will probably seem like a few too many selfish personal wishes here, but so what?  What person isn't the center of their own universe?  Besides, without me I wouldn't have nuthin.'

GLOBAL

I wish you assholes in the Middle East would get it together.  Yes that's right:  Israel AND the Palestinians.  This shit has gone far enough.  I think you should both be spanked hard and sent to be without your supper.  Realize how much you have in common, build on that, stop killing each other.  You're messing it up for all the rest of us.

I wish that Bin Laden is not only caught, but caught on video going down the Hershey highway with one of his camel boys.  If you don't know what I mean, I won't explain it.  They can show that 24 hours a day on that Al Jezebel or whatever that channel is that always gets his videos.

I wish that our European 'friends' back us up on this anti-terrorism stuff.  Talking especially to you French-speaking persons.  Back us now or you will be crying for our help when they are bombing the fucking ge ne sais quoi out of your cities like that feller Hitler did on his European Tour a few years back.

I wish the rich nations would gang up and beat world hunger.  I see no reason why this should be impossible.  My kids waste enough food in a day to feed an average Somali family of five.  One more thing, don't give it to the corrupt governments-put our Army to work and have them deliver it to the people personally.  If any dictators try to get their hands on it, shoot 'em.

I wish we'd stop destroying our habitat.  Sure, we need to put a stop to the destruction of the rain forests and the extinction of animals.  But we can start right in our back yard.  Especially if you live in Jackson county, Alabama where I do.  I have been following people from all walks of life while they haul up and toss out every manner of litter from their cars as they swerve down Snodgrass Road.  The so-call 'outdoorsmen' are the worst.  Don't get me started...

I wish people all over the world would spay/neuter their pets.  When we catch our transient neighborhood cat Big Head Bob, we're gonna give him a gonad lop-job for Christmas.  He won't know the difference, trust me.

I wish the Republicans would prove me wrong, and really get our economy happening.  Barring that, I wish they'd shut the hell up about not being able to work their magic because of a Democratic controlled Senate/Executive branch.  Puh-LEEZ!

I wish Rap would die, and that young inner-city blacks lead us back to great music again the way they did before it got perverted by the slickness of mass-marketing. 

I wish Today's County would up and move to another country and leave us alone.  Maybe then Nashville would put out some real music.  I had to laugh when the soundtrack from Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? kicked their soul-less asses!

I wish the Rolling Stones would tour forever.

I wish Mariah Carey would stay gone.

I wish that J-Lo would stick around, if only to piss off Madonna who married a big-time film director and STILL doesn't have one-fourth of Jenny's movie career!

PERSONAL

I wish I could go back to the moment of my birth, knowing what I know now, and live my life over with the exact same set of circumstances.  That's not too much to ask for, is it?

I wish I could live in Zürich, Switzerland.

I wish I would be much nicer to those who deserve it, and likewise more of an asshole to those who deserve that.

I wish I had continuous and reliable erections on demand.

If I couldn't get personal wish #1, then I wish I could split myself into 3 clones so I could lead three completely different lives at the same time.

I wish my kids' biological father would pony up to his responsibilities and stop being such a pain in the ass.

I wish that my boy would start using more than his brain-stem.  I wish my little girl would continue on in a normal progression from what she is now...she's doing fine!

I wish my wife would throw some stuff out.  Well, LOTS of stuff.  Yard sale dates will be posted on this website....

I wish I could be a better father, lover, guitar player.

I wish I could do much much more for some special people I love.

I wish I would stop aging.

I wish I could smoke those great Swiss Murati cigarettes without them killing me.

I wish I had several million tax-free dollars/Swiss francs and the time to enjoy every last one of them.

I wish Kevin and I would find the right drummer!!!

Oh, I could go on and on.  I'm just getting warmed up, but I have to cut this thing off somewhere!  I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Hanukah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, Pub Crawl, or whatever your soul needs this time of year.

JimmyR  12/6/2002