The Fountain of Eternal Plastic Youth
Watching American Idol last night...yeah, busted I know. Hey, my wife loves it! Anyway, I was watching Kenny Rogers do his thing, which always reminds me of someone taking a particularly difficult shit, and I had to just go gee-gaw over his face. It is obvious that he's had something, y'know, done to it. Was really scary. It looked like some movie make-up to make someone look like Kenny Rogers after he'd been bitten by one of those Dawn of the Dead zombies. They were panning out into the audience, and zoomed in on Travis Tritt and I could swear that he'd had some alterations, too. Can't be sure, so if he didn't please excuse me.
All of us would love to look more like we did when we were young. I think it's just a natural thing, especially when our disposable society puts such emphasis on youth, vitality, and good looks. I have lately looked in the mirror and lamented the downfall of my face, I have to admit that. Jowls, thinning hair, dark circles around the eyes, the whole bit. It's disgusting. I'm too young to look old, I cry inside. Does this have to happen? Well, apparently yes it does. To everyone. And if I could turn back the clock, I mean REALLY turn back the clock, I would. But I can't, you can't, and neither can ol' Kenny Rogers.
Here's my point. These entertainer guys and girls who get these operations don't look younger. They look like they've gotten facelifts! Have you seen Mary Tyler Moore lately? Priscilla Presley? Do they look younger to you? No, they don't. And doncha know these stars aren't going to Walmart to have these procedures done, they have access to the very best surgeons, guys who are on the cutting edge of their craft. And it doesn't appear to make one bit of difference. If you're bald, and you get the very best fitting, best made wig in the world, it's still gonna look like a rug! A nice rug, but still a rug. Whatsthefuckindeal?
There have been enormous strides in plastic surgery, and I'll bet if I went to one of these expert practitioners and had a tiny jowl lift, a bit of a droopy-eye tuck, maybe no one would be the wiser. It may make me look a bit better. But the stars seem to just go all out. "Hey, I got the money, shoot the works, doc!" At what point do you stop? I guess it gets addicting. I am kinda glad I don't have money for something like this, because where would it end?
The problem is that we are not ALLOWED to age anymore. Our society is so fucked up with it's obsession over everything young, God help us if we appear over 30. I could record the best album the world has ever know, but I'd never get any kind of deal because I'm too old. I could send some good-looking young dude in there and pretend he did it all, and the next thing you know it would be on everyone's ipods. We baby-boomers started it. All I can hope is that another generation will get over it. But probably not, as now kids in their teens are getting plastic surgery and boob-jobs. Maybe they will get so good that they will be able to make everyone look great from the cradle to the grave. Maybe then I can ditch my Fender and Marshall tube amps and buy a Line6. You musicians will know what I'm talking about. I'll get my total make-over then.
That's why I love the Rolling Stones. Just look at 'em! Marvelous specimens of actual mileage! Especially Keith, God bless his ugly ass. I am trying to embrace age with dignity, I really am. It's so hard being bombarded with all this eternal youth. But it's funny; watching ol' Kenny last night actually made me feel good about myself. I may be getting older and uglier, but baby I'm the real thing!
You don't see that much anymore.
JimmyR 4/6/2006
